we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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