so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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