I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
