In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think i just lost a toe
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
