Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
