Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
