I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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