I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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