I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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