last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
