Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
