she woke up with a sticky ear
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
