The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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