Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
