hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
