I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
