The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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