Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
