Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
