literally had 100 drinks last night.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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