capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
