you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
