Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
