Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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