Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
