Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
