Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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