i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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