I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
