I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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