did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
