I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
