Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
