Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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