Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
