I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
