Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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