I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's blow job season.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
