that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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