I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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