at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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