i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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