i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
