My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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