I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
