omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
