I'm really into asian looking animals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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