Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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