piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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