Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
