Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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