this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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