I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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