you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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