I'll bet she douches with gravy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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